This is the last video of the Summer 2012 and it was quit an emotional video for me to do because I will be 47 years old in a couple months and I have never ever had such a great summer as 2012 was. I saw some truly amazing things and This one is really hard to let go. I miss it already and so I put a lot into this video and hope someone sees what I see and hear when I watch this. Chokes me up every time because I know I am saying goodbye to the best summer I've ever had and that's saying a lot. I always try to be positive but as you get older sometimes we cannot always be that way because we know there are less years in front than behind us. It was an awesome summer and the entire year has been awesome so far and still promises to be until the end of it. But as for me this past summer was a crown jewel for me and I will never forget the awesome things I saw while it was here. Thank you all for such a wonder summer because you all are part of that beauty I saw and you are amazing to me
Summer 2012, The End !
Rabu, 26 September 2012
Selasa, 25 September 2012
Online Dating - "Is it worth the time ?"
Life is a cycle that begins with love. God loved you and so he created
you. Your father and mother loved each other, and so they started
dating. They went out of their way just to meet each other or rather
create time for each other so that they could simply create you.
When you were born, you began to feel. Hunger became part of you. You started feeling pain when you were spanked on the ass by the doctor. You started shedding tears when you miss your mum. Sometimes even the nanny did not quite understand you because you only mode of deep expression was to cry. The single time you would be understood by anyone was if you would smile. You see a smile from a baby speaks a thousand or even more words. Most of the times it means that you are happy and relaxed. It means that all is well within you. All of a sudden, it may turn upside down, and tears start streaming down your face. You thought that since the people around you understood your smile then definitely they will understand your frown. Quite often this is not the case. They even begin to get angry at you, but you are simply telling them that you have pooped yourself. You start to wonder in that simple baby brain of yours “Is pooping wrong? Can’t can't I just help myself without all the fuss?” You are stuck in reverse.
Sooner than you know it, you begin to grow. Your needs start to change. You no longer require a napkin to protect you from going to the toilet on yourself. You simply just walk to the toilet and flash it after you. After a few years, you start getting attracted to people in a way that you cannot understand. You start to feel that you cannot go a day without talking to them. In other terms, you begin to feel an unexplained love.
This has led to the development of online dating services. An online dating service is where you can get dating ideas if you are out of them. In other words, you can ask dating questions. You can also simply date online. There are many online dating sites where you can ask relationship questions, issues on dating women, issues on how to find a date, issues on how to meet people and even where to find love online. Online dating is a platform where women seeking men or men seeking women can be found. If you are into a different complexion, dating sites make it possible for inter racial dating. On line dating has led to an increase in interracial dating especially among LA singles. The most prominent dating service is free online dating. We can learn from mistakes of other people when dating. Dating in LA can teach you how to date online. Therefore, if you are single in LA, there are singles in LA just waiting for you.
Author : Tina Brown
When you were born, you began to feel. Hunger became part of you. You started feeling pain when you were spanked on the ass by the doctor. You started shedding tears when you miss your mum. Sometimes even the nanny did not quite understand you because you only mode of deep expression was to cry. The single time you would be understood by anyone was if you would smile. You see a smile from a baby speaks a thousand or even more words. Most of the times it means that you are happy and relaxed. It means that all is well within you. All of a sudden, it may turn upside down, and tears start streaming down your face. You thought that since the people around you understood your smile then definitely they will understand your frown. Quite often this is not the case. They even begin to get angry at you, but you are simply telling them that you have pooped yourself. You start to wonder in that simple baby brain of yours “Is pooping wrong? Can’t can't I just help myself without all the fuss?” You are stuck in reverse.
Sooner than you know it, you begin to grow. Your needs start to change. You no longer require a napkin to protect you from going to the toilet on yourself. You simply just walk to the toilet and flash it after you. After a few years, you start getting attracted to people in a way that you cannot understand. You start to feel that you cannot go a day without talking to them. In other terms, you begin to feel an unexplained love.
This has led to the development of online dating services. An online dating service is where you can get dating ideas if you are out of them. In other words, you can ask dating questions. You can also simply date online. There are many online dating sites where you can ask relationship questions, issues on dating women, issues on how to find a date, issues on how to meet people and even where to find love online. Online dating is a platform where women seeking men or men seeking women can be found. If you are into a different complexion, dating sites make it possible for inter racial dating. On line dating has led to an increase in interracial dating especially among LA singles. The most prominent dating service is free online dating. We can learn from mistakes of other people when dating. Dating in LA can teach you how to date online. Therefore, if you are single in LA, there are singles in LA just waiting for you.
Author : Tina Brown
Why Don't You Speak Up For Yourself ?
My counseling clients often complain to me about interactions they had
with a partner, friend, parents or co-worker. When I asked the question,
"Why didn't you speak up for yourself?" here are the most common
answers I receive:
"I want to keep the peace."
"I don't want to rock the boat."
"I didn't know what to say."
"It won't change anything."
"He/she won't listen."
"We will just end up fighting."
"He/she will make it my fault."
Charlie is in his early 70's, and has been married to Esther for 43 years. Charlie and Esther love each other very much, but there has always been a problem in their marriage, and Charlie finally decided to get some help with it.
The issue is that Esther often speaks to Charlie with a harsh, demeaning, parental tone - telling him what to do. All these years, Charlie's way of dealing with this has been to comply - to be the 'nice' guy and try to 'keep the peace.' But every once in a while he suddenly blows up, scaring and hurting Esther. She has asked him over and over to tell her what's upsetting him so much, but when he has, she doesn't listen and turns it back onto him. In his mind, he has been in a no-win situation. The last blow-up led Charlie to seek my help.
The problem is that Charlie had never said anything to Esther in the moment about her tone. When he did say something, after the fact, Esther would have no idea what he was talking about, so she would explain, defend, and turn it back on him.
"I don't know what to say," said Charlie.
"Charlie, how do you feel inside when Esther speaks to you with a harsh, demeaning tone?"
"I feel small, diminished, like I did when my father would criticize me. I feel like a helpless little kid. I hate it. It hurts me."
"And when you suddenly blow up, what do you say?"
"I tell her to shut up."
"Are you telling her to shut up about what she is saying?"
"Yes."
"So you don't say anything about her tone of voice or how you feel?"
"No, I don't think I have ever said anything about her tone of voice."
"Charlie, if you were to say something in the moment, not about what she is saying, but about how she is saying it, what would you say?"
"I'd say, 'Your tone of voice is harsh and diminishing and it hurts me.'"
"Great! Would you be willing to say this the next time Esther is harsh with you?"
"Yes!"
The next week, Charlie reported that he and Esther had a great week together. He had quietly responded the way we had rehearsed and he was shocked at how Esther responded. Instead of getting angry, defensive, explaining or attacking, she said, "You're right. I'm sorry. Thank you for telling me."
All this time Charlie was certain that if he spoke up for himself, things would get worse. Instead, he discovered that Esther was very open to hearing his feelings and experience when it was in the moment, and was thrilled that he finally spoke up for himself.
Telling others what they are doing wrong, or trying to get them to stop doing what they are doing will generally lead to a difficult interaction. But speaking up for yourself with the intent of taking loving care of yourself will make you feel much better, even if the other person doesn’t hear you. At least you are hearing yourself, and this is what is important. And you might be surprised at how the other responds !
Author : Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
"I want to keep the peace."
"I don't want to rock the boat."
"I didn't know what to say."
"It won't change anything."
"He/she won't listen."
"We will just end up fighting."
"He/she will make it my fault."
Charlie is in his early 70's, and has been married to Esther for 43 years. Charlie and Esther love each other very much, but there has always been a problem in their marriage, and Charlie finally decided to get some help with it.
The issue is that Esther often speaks to Charlie with a harsh, demeaning, parental tone - telling him what to do. All these years, Charlie's way of dealing with this has been to comply - to be the 'nice' guy and try to 'keep the peace.' But every once in a while he suddenly blows up, scaring and hurting Esther. She has asked him over and over to tell her what's upsetting him so much, but when he has, she doesn't listen and turns it back onto him. In his mind, he has been in a no-win situation. The last blow-up led Charlie to seek my help.
The problem is that Charlie had never said anything to Esther in the moment about her tone. When he did say something, after the fact, Esther would have no idea what he was talking about, so she would explain, defend, and turn it back on him.
"I don't know what to say," said Charlie.
"Charlie, how do you feel inside when Esther speaks to you with a harsh, demeaning tone?"
"I feel small, diminished, like I did when my father would criticize me. I feel like a helpless little kid. I hate it. It hurts me."
"And when you suddenly blow up, what do you say?"
"I tell her to shut up."
"Are you telling her to shut up about what she is saying?"
"Yes."
"So you don't say anything about her tone of voice or how you feel?"
"No, I don't think I have ever said anything about her tone of voice."
"Charlie, if you were to say something in the moment, not about what she is saying, but about how she is saying it, what would you say?"
"I'd say, 'Your tone of voice is harsh and diminishing and it hurts me.'"
"Great! Would you be willing to say this the next time Esther is harsh with you?"
"Yes!"
The next week, Charlie reported that he and Esther had a great week together. He had quietly responded the way we had rehearsed and he was shocked at how Esther responded. Instead of getting angry, defensive, explaining or attacking, she said, "You're right. I'm sorry. Thank you for telling me."
All this time Charlie was certain that if he spoke up for himself, things would get worse. Instead, he discovered that Esther was very open to hearing his feelings and experience when it was in the moment, and was thrilled that he finally spoke up for himself.
Telling others what they are doing wrong, or trying to get them to stop doing what they are doing will generally lead to a difficult interaction. But speaking up for yourself with the intent of taking loving care of yourself will make you feel much better, even if the other person doesn’t hear you. At least you are hearing yourself, and this is what is important. And you might be surprised at how the other responds !
Author : Margaret Paul, Ph.D.
Ideas for Your 40th Wedding Anniversary :D
The 40th wedding anniversary is a huge milestone since you’ve been
married for a whole four decades. This accomplishment should be
celebrated with time spent together on your anniversary. This list of
ideas incorporates ruby ideas, since rubies are the traditional and
modern gift for this anniversary. Here are some interesting ways to
incorporate a ruby theme into your wedding anniversary.
The deep fiery colour of rubies represents passion, and you know that you need to spend time together to cultivate passion in your marriage. For your 40th wedding anniversary, use these ruby themed ideas to spend time together and renew your passion for one another.
Walk the Ruby Country
In the heart of the Devon countryside is a rural area known as the Ruby Country. Here, you can stay in a local bed and breakfast and explore local gift and pottery shops. Wonder on foot each day to see what natural wonders the area has to offer, and enjoy one another’s company in the midst of the great outdoors.
Pick a Family Heirloom
There are several companies that takes regular photographs and turns them into high quality oil paintings. Break out a bottle of ruby coloured wine while you sort through photographs from your forty years of marriage to choose the perfect one to be created into an oil painting. Whether you choose a photo from your wedding day or one of the entire family, this painting will become one of your most treasured family heirlooms.
Whale Watching off the Dorset coast
There are plenty of sail boats (including one called the Ruby J!) that run whale watching cruises off the coast of Dorset, allowing you to enjoy views of the Jurassic West Bay. Then stay at one of the nearby Bed and Breakfast that offer warm meals and cosy rooms near the coast, so you can wrap up your trip here for a relaxing end to your weekend away.
Adding real rubies to these ruby themed ideas is easy, too. Present your loved one with ruby jewellery or ruby coloured clothing when you’re enjoying one of these fun ruby themed activities together. It will be a 40th wedding anniversary you’ll never forget!
Author : Nicola Ray
The deep fiery colour of rubies represents passion, and you know that you need to spend time together to cultivate passion in your marriage. For your 40th wedding anniversary, use these ruby themed ideas to spend time together and renew your passion for one another.
Walk the Ruby Country
In the heart of the Devon countryside is a rural area known as the Ruby Country. Here, you can stay in a local bed and breakfast and explore local gift and pottery shops. Wonder on foot each day to see what natural wonders the area has to offer, and enjoy one another’s company in the midst of the great outdoors.
Pick a Family Heirloom
There are several companies that takes regular photographs and turns them into high quality oil paintings. Break out a bottle of ruby coloured wine while you sort through photographs from your forty years of marriage to choose the perfect one to be created into an oil painting. Whether you choose a photo from your wedding day or one of the entire family, this painting will become one of your most treasured family heirlooms.
Whale Watching off the Dorset coast
There are plenty of sail boats (including one called the Ruby J!) that run whale watching cruises off the coast of Dorset, allowing you to enjoy views of the Jurassic West Bay. Then stay at one of the nearby Bed and Breakfast that offer warm meals and cosy rooms near the coast, so you can wrap up your trip here for a relaxing end to your weekend away.
Adding real rubies to these ruby themed ideas is easy, too. Present your loved one with ruby jewellery or ruby coloured clothing when you’re enjoying one of these fun ruby themed activities together. It will be a 40th wedding anniversary you’ll never forget!
Author : Nicola Ray
Communication in a Relationship
Communication is a vital part of our lives: a typical day involves many
interactions between ourselves, our work colleagues and clients, our
children, our friends, our ex's, future relationships, etc. This
interaction takes place where we live, work, relax, socialize and
wherever we perform routine tasks.
Communication skills are critical for building healthy relationships, especially when one realizes that one of the most common causes of relational breakdown is a lack of communication. Just as communication can be the most important part of a relationship; arguments can be the most destructive aspect - the closer we are to someone, the more easily we can bruise or be bruised. There is very little truth in the saying: "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never harm me." It's not what we say, but rather how we say it, that most often hurts another person.
Do you identify with any of these statements?
"He never listens to me when I talk!"
"She talks and talks, but never actually says anything!"
"It's like talking to a brick wall"
"I can't get through to you"
"We can't talk about anything important without getting into a fight"
"She's too emotional - she's either crying or shouting or complaining. It's easier to avoid her"
"He always gets defensive when I try to talk about issues"
Communication is a complex process; of which speaking only makes up for 10-20%. The other 80-90% is made up by facial expressions, body language, tone of voice, etc.
Communication is the art/ science of transferring a thought/ idea/ information from the mind of one complex human being to the mind of one or more complex human being(s). For communication to be effective, it must be a two-way process.
Dynamics of Interpersonal Communication
1. Facts: are both people communicating about the same set of facts? Try to separate the facts from thoughts or feelings.
2. Interpretations, Thoughts or Perceptions: Each person interprets a fact differently based on their belief system, personality, values and experience.
3. Feelings: how we are feeling, our current mood and frame of mind, etc can sub-consciously affect decisions and thoughts.
4. Intentions, Needs or Wants: hidden agendas; are we looking for comfort, clarification, information or simply a chance to interact? We judge ourselves on our intentions.
5. Actions: choice of words (is the intent to create harm?) + tone of voice + non-verbal speech = body language, posture, eye contact, facial expressions, etc.
"The medium is the message" => the way the message is delivered is the message itself.
6. Self: The communication centre, which includes the issue, topic or conflict at hand, has been "filtered" by the facts, interpretations, thoughts, feelings, intentions, and choices of behaviour / actions.
Listening and Feedback
Did I say what I meant to say? - Invite feedback to clarify communication.
Someone who's not listening lets their mind drift and is already preparing the next argument or opposing thought; inaccurate feedback or limited eye contact.
Listening is an active, not a passive process. When two people argue, they only hear "what they want to hear", not what's actually said. This equates to the accusation of "not listening". Most couples start arguing and within 5 minutes are arguing about the way they are arguing.
Don't argue when you're angry - you will not be able to listen objectively. Give yourself time to cool down and then broach the subject when you are in a more reasonable frame of mind.
It's important to give feedback - checking and confirming. Did I understand you correctly? Is this what you mean? I heard you say this: am I right? Feedback can be verbal / non-verbal e.g. a nod, smile, silence or a cold shoulder. No feedback is in itself a form of feedback.
If the words and actions contradict each other, it is better to believe the actions!
Conflict Resolution
Conflict resolution can either be Constructive or Destructive.
Destructive Style - hinders or inhibits the conflict resolution process:
Confrontational (win or lose, blaming)
Sabotage (focus on weak points, shaming)
Manipulation (blackmail, withdrawal)
Giving in (passive, submissive)
Avoidance (denial, withdrawal)
Constructive Style – trying to minimize the issues and avoiding the difficulties in resolving the problems:
Compromise (meet halfway, understanding)
Accommodate (open discussion, communication without confrontation)
Partnership (solutions, forgiveness, honesty)
When trying to resolve conflicts, try to clarify your goals, as you will probably share many of the same goals despite of your differences. Avoid bargaining, as this may lead to each party taking a rigid position which in turn can flare tempers.
When resolving conflicts, remember that their causes may run deep. Sweeping issues under the carpet isn’t going to work in the long term, as old baggage will be brought up each time an argument starts. Try to fully resolve each issue as it comes along. You may find the following method useful:
1. Ask the other person for their feelings. Your conflict probably isn’t about the issue that caused it to start in the first place. Don’t forget that your goal is sorting out the problem, not winning an argument!
2. Ask the other person to define the problem. Stick to solving one problem at a time, that way you can understand each problem as the other person sees it.
3. Express your own feelings. Be careful to word them carefully, for example use phrases such as “I feel…” rather than “I think you…”
4. Define the problem as you see it. As your feelings come out, the solution may become clearer. Remember that by you listening to the other person; you will have set the tone for them to listen to you.
5. Create multiple solutions. Don’t go back to your original agenda. Aim to find alternative or creative solutions that reduce emotions and tension.
6. Rate the possible solutions. Remember that no one can force an unacceptable solution on the other.
7. Combine and create a mutually acceptable solution. Create something acceptable to both parties, if this doesn’t work – go back to step 1 and ensure both parties are being totally honest.
8. Be sure both parties agree to work towards resolving the issue.
Troubleshooting For Problems in Communication
Control or Power Issues: Effective communication cannot take place if one person has "control" over the other or where there is not mutual respect and equality of relationship. To stay in control leads to relational isolation as the underdog reacts in anger at being manipulated or belittled.
Triangulation: Do not bring in a third party to avoid direct confrontation. If you have a problem with someone, go directly to that person. Don't dump your accusations on mutual friends or your children in the hope of winning support to balance the scales in your favour - it leads to more substantial and long-lasting damage, especially when a child is used as a weapon between parents.
19 Steps to Effective Communication
1. See communication as an opportunity to praise, build-up, affirm, heal, support and give positive reinforcement, rather than to correct, criticise, tear down, hurt, wound, lash out at. Praise opens doors to further communication, while criticism shuts them down.
2. Remember that actions speak louder than words; non-verbal communication usually is more powerful than verbal communication. Avoid double messages in which the verbal and the non-verbal messages convey something contradictory. (Credibility gap)
3. Define what is important and stress it; define what is unimportant and de-emphasise or ignore it. Avoid fault-finding.
4. Communicate in ways that show respect for the other person’s worth as a human being. “Avoid statements which begin with the words “You never …” or “I think you …”.
5. Be clear and specific in your communication. Avoid vagueness.
6. Be realistic and reasonable in your statements. Avoid exaggeration and sentences which begin with “You always …”
7. Test all your assumptions verbally by asking if they are accurate. Avoid acting until this is done.
8. Recognize that each event can be seen from different points of view. Avoid assuming that other people see things like you do. (Perception)
9. Recognize that your family members and close friends are experts on you and your behaviour. Avoid the tendency to deny their observations about you – especially if you are not sure.
10. Recognize that disagreement can be a meaningful form of communication. Avoid destructive arguments.
11. Be honest and open about your feelings and viewpoints. Bring up all significant problems even if you are afraid that doing so will disturb another person. Speak the truth in love. Avoid sullen silences.
12. Do not put down and/or manipulate the other person with tactics such as ridicule, interrupting, name-calling, changing the subject, blaming, bugging, sarcasm, criticism, pouting, guilt-inducing, etc. Avoid the one-upmanship game.
13. Be more concerned about how your communication affects others than about what you intended. Avoid getting bitter if you are misunderstood.
14. Accept all feelings and try to understand why others feel and act as they do. Avoid the tendency to say, “you shouldn’t feel like that.”
15. Be tactful considerate and courteous. Avoid taking advantage of the other person’s feelings.
16. Ask questions and listen carefully. Avoid preaching or lecturing.
17. Do not use excuses. Avoid falling for the excuses of others.
18. Speak kindly politely and softly. Avoid nagging yelling or whining.
19. Recognize the value of humour and seriousness. Avoid destructive teasing.
Summary
As you look ahead to new relationships, you need to be able to break old and faulty communication patterns to allow for healthier interaction. The use of praise and positive reinforcement will reconstruct wounded and broken self-images and will build self-esteem, particularly in children. By becoming an effective communicator, you will also grow and become a better person which will positively enhance all your relationships.
http://www.datinginireland.singlescrowd.com
Communication skills are critical for building healthy relationships, especially when one realizes that one of the most common causes of relational breakdown is a lack of communication. Just as communication can be the most important part of a relationship; arguments can be the most destructive aspect - the closer we are to someone, the more easily we can bruise or be bruised. There is very little truth in the saying: "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words can never harm me." It's not what we say, but rather how we say it, that most often hurts another person.
Do you identify with any of these statements?
"He never listens to me when I talk!"
"She talks and talks, but never actually says anything!"
"It's like talking to a brick wall"
"I can't get through to you"
"We can't talk about anything important without getting into a fight"
"She's too emotional - she's either crying or shouting or complaining. It's easier to avoid her"
"He always gets defensive when I try to talk about issues"
Communication is a complex process; of which speaking only makes up for 10-20%. The other 80-90% is made up by facial expressions, body language, tone of voice, etc.
Communication is the art/ science of transferring a thought/ idea/ information from the mind of one complex human being to the mind of one or more complex human being(s). For communication to be effective, it must be a two-way process.
Dynamics of Interpersonal Communication
1. Facts: are both people communicating about the same set of facts? Try to separate the facts from thoughts or feelings.
2. Interpretations, Thoughts or Perceptions: Each person interprets a fact differently based on their belief system, personality, values and experience.
3. Feelings: how we are feeling, our current mood and frame of mind, etc can sub-consciously affect decisions and thoughts.
4. Intentions, Needs or Wants: hidden agendas; are we looking for comfort, clarification, information or simply a chance to interact? We judge ourselves on our intentions.
5. Actions: choice of words (is the intent to create harm?) + tone of voice + non-verbal speech = body language, posture, eye contact, facial expressions, etc.
"The medium is the message" => the way the message is delivered is the message itself.
6. Self: The communication centre, which includes the issue, topic or conflict at hand, has been "filtered" by the facts, interpretations, thoughts, feelings, intentions, and choices of behaviour / actions.
Listening and Feedback
Did I say what I meant to say? - Invite feedback to clarify communication.
Someone who's not listening lets their mind drift and is already preparing the next argument or opposing thought; inaccurate feedback or limited eye contact.
Listening is an active, not a passive process. When two people argue, they only hear "what they want to hear", not what's actually said. This equates to the accusation of "not listening". Most couples start arguing and within 5 minutes are arguing about the way they are arguing.
Don't argue when you're angry - you will not be able to listen objectively. Give yourself time to cool down and then broach the subject when you are in a more reasonable frame of mind.
It's important to give feedback - checking and confirming. Did I understand you correctly? Is this what you mean? I heard you say this: am I right? Feedback can be verbal / non-verbal e.g. a nod, smile, silence or a cold shoulder. No feedback is in itself a form of feedback.
If the words and actions contradict each other, it is better to believe the actions!
Conflict Resolution
Conflict resolution can either be Constructive or Destructive.
Destructive Style - hinders or inhibits the conflict resolution process:
Confrontational (win or lose, blaming)
Sabotage (focus on weak points, shaming)
Manipulation (blackmail, withdrawal)
Giving in (passive, submissive)
Avoidance (denial, withdrawal)
Constructive Style – trying to minimize the issues and avoiding the difficulties in resolving the problems:
Compromise (meet halfway, understanding)
Accommodate (open discussion, communication without confrontation)
Partnership (solutions, forgiveness, honesty)
When trying to resolve conflicts, try to clarify your goals, as you will probably share many of the same goals despite of your differences. Avoid bargaining, as this may lead to each party taking a rigid position which in turn can flare tempers.
When resolving conflicts, remember that their causes may run deep. Sweeping issues under the carpet isn’t going to work in the long term, as old baggage will be brought up each time an argument starts. Try to fully resolve each issue as it comes along. You may find the following method useful:
1. Ask the other person for their feelings. Your conflict probably isn’t about the issue that caused it to start in the first place. Don’t forget that your goal is sorting out the problem, not winning an argument!
2. Ask the other person to define the problem. Stick to solving one problem at a time, that way you can understand each problem as the other person sees it.
3. Express your own feelings. Be careful to word them carefully, for example use phrases such as “I feel…” rather than “I think you…”
4. Define the problem as you see it. As your feelings come out, the solution may become clearer. Remember that by you listening to the other person; you will have set the tone for them to listen to you.
5. Create multiple solutions. Don’t go back to your original agenda. Aim to find alternative or creative solutions that reduce emotions and tension.
6. Rate the possible solutions. Remember that no one can force an unacceptable solution on the other.
7. Combine and create a mutually acceptable solution. Create something acceptable to both parties, if this doesn’t work – go back to step 1 and ensure both parties are being totally honest.
8. Be sure both parties agree to work towards resolving the issue.
Troubleshooting For Problems in Communication
Control or Power Issues: Effective communication cannot take place if one person has "control" over the other or where there is not mutual respect and equality of relationship. To stay in control leads to relational isolation as the underdog reacts in anger at being manipulated or belittled.
Triangulation: Do not bring in a third party to avoid direct confrontation. If you have a problem with someone, go directly to that person. Don't dump your accusations on mutual friends or your children in the hope of winning support to balance the scales in your favour - it leads to more substantial and long-lasting damage, especially when a child is used as a weapon between parents.
19 Steps to Effective Communication
1. See communication as an opportunity to praise, build-up, affirm, heal, support and give positive reinforcement, rather than to correct, criticise, tear down, hurt, wound, lash out at. Praise opens doors to further communication, while criticism shuts them down.
2. Remember that actions speak louder than words; non-verbal communication usually is more powerful than verbal communication. Avoid double messages in which the verbal and the non-verbal messages convey something contradictory. (Credibility gap)
3. Define what is important and stress it; define what is unimportant and de-emphasise or ignore it. Avoid fault-finding.
4. Communicate in ways that show respect for the other person’s worth as a human being. “Avoid statements which begin with the words “You never …” or “I think you …”.
5. Be clear and specific in your communication. Avoid vagueness.
6. Be realistic and reasonable in your statements. Avoid exaggeration and sentences which begin with “You always …”
7. Test all your assumptions verbally by asking if they are accurate. Avoid acting until this is done.
8. Recognize that each event can be seen from different points of view. Avoid assuming that other people see things like you do. (Perception)
9. Recognize that your family members and close friends are experts on you and your behaviour. Avoid the tendency to deny their observations about you – especially if you are not sure.
10. Recognize that disagreement can be a meaningful form of communication. Avoid destructive arguments.
11. Be honest and open about your feelings and viewpoints. Bring up all significant problems even if you are afraid that doing so will disturb another person. Speak the truth in love. Avoid sullen silences.
12. Do not put down and/or manipulate the other person with tactics such as ridicule, interrupting, name-calling, changing the subject, blaming, bugging, sarcasm, criticism, pouting, guilt-inducing, etc. Avoid the one-upmanship game.
13. Be more concerned about how your communication affects others than about what you intended. Avoid getting bitter if you are misunderstood.
14. Accept all feelings and try to understand why others feel and act as they do. Avoid the tendency to say, “you shouldn’t feel like that.”
15. Be tactful considerate and courteous. Avoid taking advantage of the other person’s feelings.
16. Ask questions and listen carefully. Avoid preaching or lecturing.
17. Do not use excuses. Avoid falling for the excuses of others.
18. Speak kindly politely and softly. Avoid nagging yelling or whining.
19. Recognize the value of humour and seriousness. Avoid destructive teasing.
Summary
As you look ahead to new relationships, you need to be able to break old and faulty communication patterns to allow for healthier interaction. The use of praise and positive reinforcement will reconstruct wounded and broken self-images and will build self-esteem, particularly in children. By becoming an effective communicator, you will also grow and become a better person which will positively enhance all your relationships.
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New Apple Ingredient Discovery Keeps Muscles Strong
Natural Component of Apple Peels Found To Help Prevent Muscle Weakening
In search of an effective method to prevent muscle wasting that comes with illness and aging, researchers have located a natural compound that is very promising.
The findings reported in the June issue of Cell Metabolism (a Cell Press publication), identify a natural component of apple peels known as Ursolic Acid as a promising newnutritional therapy for the widespread and debilitating condition that affects nearly everyone at one time or another.
"Muscle wasting is a frequent companion of illness and aging," explained researchers from The University of Iowa, Iowa City. "It prolongs hospitalization, delays recoveries and in some cases prevents people going back home. It isn't well understood and there is no medicine for it."
The research team first looked at what happens to gene activity in muscles under conditions that promote weakening. Those studies turned up 63 genes that change in response to fasting in both people and mice and another 29 that shift their expression in the muscles of both people who are fasting and those with spinal cord injury. Comparison of those gene expression signatures to the signatures of cells treated with more than 1300 bio-active small molecules led them to ursolic acid as a compound with effects that might counteract those of atrophy.
"Ursolic Acid is an interesting natural compound," they said. "It's part of a normal diet as a component of apple peels. They always say that an apple a day keeps the doctor away..."
The researchers next gave Ursolic Acid to fasted laboratory subjects. Those experiments showed that ursolic acid could protect against muscle weakening as predicted. When ursolic acid was added to the food of normal subjects for a period of weeks, their muscles grew. Those effects were traced back to enhanced insulin signaling in muscle and to corrections in the gene signatures linked to atrophy.
The subjects given ursolic acid also became leaner and had lower blood levels of glucose, cholesterol and triglycerides. The findings therefore suggest that ursolic acid may be responsible for some of the overall benefits of healthy eating.
"We know if you eat a balanced diet like mom told us to eat you get this material," the researchers explained "People who eat junk food don't get this."
It is not yet clear whether the findings will translate to human patients, but the goal now is to "figure out if this can help people." If so, they don't yet know whether Ursolic Acid at levels that might be consumed as part of a normal diet might or might not be enough.
Journal Reference:
mRNA Expression Signatures of Human Skeletal Muscle Atrophy Identify a Natural Compound that Increases Muscle Mass. Cell Metabolism
www.lmchealthshop.com
In search of an effective method to prevent muscle wasting that comes with illness and aging, researchers have located a natural compound that is very promising.
The findings reported in the June issue of Cell Metabolism (a Cell Press publication), identify a natural component of apple peels known as Ursolic Acid as a promising newnutritional therapy for the widespread and debilitating condition that affects nearly everyone at one time or another.
"Muscle wasting is a frequent companion of illness and aging," explained researchers from The University of Iowa, Iowa City. "It prolongs hospitalization, delays recoveries and in some cases prevents people going back home. It isn't well understood and there is no medicine for it."
The research team first looked at what happens to gene activity in muscles under conditions that promote weakening. Those studies turned up 63 genes that change in response to fasting in both people and mice and another 29 that shift their expression in the muscles of both people who are fasting and those with spinal cord injury. Comparison of those gene expression signatures to the signatures of cells treated with more than 1300 bio-active small molecules led them to ursolic acid as a compound with effects that might counteract those of atrophy.
"Ursolic Acid is an interesting natural compound," they said. "It's part of a normal diet as a component of apple peels. They always say that an apple a day keeps the doctor away..."
The researchers next gave Ursolic Acid to fasted laboratory subjects. Those experiments showed that ursolic acid could protect against muscle weakening as predicted. When ursolic acid was added to the food of normal subjects for a period of weeks, their muscles grew. Those effects were traced back to enhanced insulin signaling in muscle and to corrections in the gene signatures linked to atrophy.
The subjects given ursolic acid also became leaner and had lower blood levels of glucose, cholesterol and triglycerides. The findings therefore suggest that ursolic acid may be responsible for some of the overall benefits of healthy eating.
"We know if you eat a balanced diet like mom told us to eat you get this material," the researchers explained "People who eat junk food don't get this."
It is not yet clear whether the findings will translate to human patients, but the goal now is to "figure out if this can help people." If so, they don't yet know whether Ursolic Acid at levels that might be consumed as part of a normal diet might or might not be enough.
Journal Reference:
mRNA Expression Signatures of Human Skeletal Muscle Atrophy Identify a Natural Compound that Increases Muscle Mass. Cell Metabolism
www.lmchealthshop.com
Ways to make your skin healthy
The primary step to keeping your skin healthy is preventing damage.
Pollutants, air, sun as well as by just natural aging can certainly
mortify the form of your skin. Frequent grumbles incorporate dry along
with itchy skin, sagging, wrinkles, color alterations, together with age
spots. Luckily, there are various methods that you can readily apply in
order to maintain a healthy skin, feeling and looking at its most
excellent appearance.
Keeping yourself fit, having enough rest, as well as getting healthy diet can set the basis for fine-looking and vigorous complexion. Moreover, a proper diet is not only the excellent way in attaining good health in general but it as well assists you to guarantee that your skin will get all of the vitamins and minerals, along with the nutrients that it requires to preserve and fix itself.
Another way to keep your skin healthy is to apply the right skin care products to your skin. The best anti aging skincare products that can aid you to hydrate the skin are now available at your favorite skin care product store online. Having a clean skin by using the best skin cleanser is also a great way of preventing skin damages.
One of the most essential ways to protect your skin is to keep it away from the harmful rays of the sun. Ultraviolet radiation harms the skin as well as it can result to wrinkles, premature aging, age spots or even cancer as well. An individual should really get further preventative measures in order to be certain that his or her skin is not totally exposed under the harmful rays of the sun. Do not fail to remember that one should apply a natural sunscreen, or a moisturizer that includes sunscreen (with minimum of SPF 15) every day. Although, it does not mean that you should not go out at all during the day, as if you are like a nocturnal creature. Your skin also needs some sunlight every day. A 10 to 15 exposures at sunrise or sunset will be alright.
In addition to that, a variety of fine skin care products such as an all natural moisturizer is one of the essential components for a vigorous complexity. Keep on moisturizing all through the day to keep your sensitive skin vigorous. Your hands as well as your face is especially vulnerable to everyday dent, and might require it to be moisturized further.
Keeping yourself fit, having enough rest, as well as getting healthy diet can set the basis for fine-looking and vigorous complexion. Moreover, a proper diet is not only the excellent way in attaining good health in general but it as well assists you to guarantee that your skin will get all of the vitamins and minerals, along with the nutrients that it requires to preserve and fix itself.
Another way to keep your skin healthy is to apply the right skin care products to your skin. The best anti aging skincare products that can aid you to hydrate the skin are now available at your favorite skin care product store online. Having a clean skin by using the best skin cleanser is also a great way of preventing skin damages.
One of the most essential ways to protect your skin is to keep it away from the harmful rays of the sun. Ultraviolet radiation harms the skin as well as it can result to wrinkles, premature aging, age spots or even cancer as well. An individual should really get further preventative measures in order to be certain that his or her skin is not totally exposed under the harmful rays of the sun. Do not fail to remember that one should apply a natural sunscreen, or a moisturizer that includes sunscreen (with minimum of SPF 15) every day. Although, it does not mean that you should not go out at all during the day, as if you are like a nocturnal creature. Your skin also needs some sunlight every day. A 10 to 15 exposures at sunrise or sunset will be alright.
In addition to that, a variety of fine skin care products such as an all natural moisturizer is one of the essential components for a vigorous complexity. Keep on moisturizing all through the day to keep your sensitive skin vigorous. Your hands as well as your face is especially vulnerable to everyday dent, and might require it to be moisturized further.
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